In Japanese culture, there is a common belief that one should endure and persevere through difficult situations, whether it be at work or in personal relationships. This belief is often summed up in the phrase 「自分は我慢しているのだから他人も我慢すべきである」(I am enduring, so others should endure as well).
While this mindset may seem noble and self-sacrificing, it is actually deeply flawed and can lead to negative consequences for both the individual and those around them. In this article, we will explore why this mindset is problematic and provide alternative ways of thinking and behaving that can lead to healthier and more fulfilling relationships.
The Problem With Enduring Everything
One of the main issues with the 「我慢する」(enduring) mindset is that it can lead to a lack of boundaries and self-care. By constantly putting others’ needs and wants above our own, we can become exhausted and burnt out. We may also begin to feel resentful towards those who are not reciprocating our efforts to endure and persevere.
This can manifest in a variety of ways. For example, a person who is constantly enduring their boss’s unreasonable demands may begin to feel trapped and hopeless in their job. They may also start to dread going to work and experience physical symptoms such as headaches and stomachaches.
On the other hand, a person who is constantly enduring a toxic relationship may begin to lose their sense of self and feel like they are walking on eggshells around their partner. They may also begin to feel isolated and alone, as their partner may be actively discouraging them from spending time with friends and family.
Why Others Should Not Have to Endure Everything
Another issue with the 「我慢する」 mindset is that it can lead to a lack of empathy and understanding towards others. Just because we are able to endure something does not mean that others should be expected to do the same.
For example, imagine a person who is struggling with a mental health issue. They may not be able to endure the same stressors and pressures that a person without a mental health issue can. By expecting them to do so, we are effectively invalidating their struggles and minimizing their experiences.
Similarly, a person who is dealing with a chronic illness may not be able to endure the same physical demands as a person who is healthy. By expecting them to do so, we are essentially denying their reality and placing unfair expectations on them.
Healthy Alternatives to Enduring Everything
So if enduring everything is not the answer, what is? Here are some healthier alternatives:
Setting Boundaries
Setting boundaries means being clear about what behaviors and situations are not acceptable to us. It means saying no when we need to and being assertive in communicating our needs and wants. By setting boundaries, we can protect our mental and physical health and prevent others from taking advantage of us.
Practicing Self-Care
Self-care means taking care of our own physical, emotional, and mental needs. This can include things like getting enough sleep, eating well, exercising, and engaging in activities that bring us joy. By prioritizing our own well-being, we can be better equipped to handle the challenges that come our way.
Showing Empathy and Understanding
Instead of expecting others to endure everything, we can practice empathy and understanding. This means acknowledging and validating their experiences and being supportive of them. It also means recognizing that everyone has their own unique challenges and struggles, and that we cannot compare them to our own.
Conclusion
The 「我慢する」 mindset may seem noble, but it is ultimately harmful to ourselves and those around us. By setting boundaries, practicing self-care, and showing empathy and understanding, we can build healthier and more fulfilling relationships with others. So let’s embrace these healthier alternatives and let go of the belief that enduring everything is the only way to live.
